While some sorry hedge fund tales abound, the following provides an entertaining “top ten” list of hedge fund manager quotes (some perhaps apocryphal), courtesy of Hermes, a London-based fund manager.

10. “If we don’t charge 2 and 20, no one will take us seriously.”

9. “We are 75% cash because we cannot find sufficient investments.”

8. “We charge 3 and 30 because that is the only way we can keep assets
     under several billion.”

7. “We don’t invest in crowded shorts.”

6. “I haven’t shorted before, but I do have my CFA.”

5. “Managed futures are a better investment than hedge funds because
     hedge funds are a zero-sum game.”

4. “What’s a Master Trust?”

3. “Your Head of Equity doesn’t understand our hedge fund strategy.”

2. “Basically, I look at the trading screens all day and go with my gut.”

1. “He will be with you in a minute sir, he’s still meeting with his architect.”

Which one are you?